Losing a loved one is one of the saddest things in life, I'm afraid. When we open our self-published news feeds, we find that somewhere in this world, people are always leaving. Death happens every day, and the taboo of death that people shut up about is actually a norm. According to the National Bureau of Statistics, 9.98 million people died in China in 2019, with a mortality rate of 7.14%, which means that on average, 27,000 people leave this world every day, in one way or another. When a loved one passes away, you feel a deep sense of sadness and loss. He disappears completely from your life, those things you once did together, and he will never be with you again. As time goes by, most people can get over their grief and move on to a normal life. But some people may struggle with grief for a longer period of time and feel unable to carry out their daily activities.
Grief is a natural emotional response to loss and is one of the universal basic emotions experienced by all people. It just suffers from many misconceptions in modern society. The dominant culture of modern society views grief as a reflection of weakness. We are told not to "wallow" or "be weak". As a result, most of us try to chase away or suppress grief by any means possible. In fact, we can't stop the brain from triggering sadness in the body, because emotions exist in the body, although we can stop the brain from experiencing sadness by suppressing emotions.
But this can lead to worse consequences: the emergence of anxiety, depression, numbness, or lingering feelings of disconnection from our true selves. Grief is not a sign of weakness; it is the most human thing humans can do. Grief is a normal physical response. When we learn to let grief flow, our anxiety, shame, guilt, and defense mechanisms (e.g., addiction, perfectionism, judgment, obsession) diminish because we no longer need to ward off grief with inhibitions and protective defenses. We need some strategies to help ourselves cope with grief.
Allow yourself to feel grief
Grief is a perfectly normal emotional state. In 1969, the Swiss psychiatrist Kübler-Ross proposed the famous "five stages of grief" theory. The first stage is denial, the subconscious denial of the death of a loved one, the escape from the real world, and the isolation of oneself is the first thing most people do. The second stage is anger, feeling angry at the death of a loved one. The third stage is bargaining, constantly asking themselves if they had taken him to the doctor earlier, if they had not let her travel, would he still be alive. The fourth stage is depression, feeling sad and lonely due to the death of the loved one, and having difficulty in carrying out daily activities as before. The fifth stage is acceptance, but this does not mean that you will not grieve the loss of your loved one. You will naturally begin to ease your grief and move on with your new life. So when you feel lonely and sad due to the death of loved one, don't think of it as something unforgivable. It's a normal part of grief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and work through to the new life stage.
Enlist the support of family and friends
It is necessary to grieve alone for a short period of time, but it is also important to enlist the support of family and friends. You and your family have lost a loved one in common, and this grief brings you close together. You can talk to each other and comfort each other. If your friend has experienced the loss of a loved one, he or she will be able to understand what you are feeling at this time. Don't be afraid to tell him your loneliness and loss. He will be happy to help you. Seeking help from a counselor is also a very good way to help you channel your emotions and guide you out of your grief.
Take care of yourself
People in a state of extreme sadness often do not have the means to take good care of their lives. Insomnia and hair loss, forgetting to eat, and reversing the day and night are all common things. This can easily cause endocrine imbalance and the body system will send out warnings. Taking care of yourself means that you need to get over your sadness and get your life and diet in order. Sadness may affect your appetite and keep you from eating properly. In a state of extreme physical sadness and depression, you need to consume adequate vitamins and avoid consuming large amounts of sugar and carbohydrates. Good habits are a prerequisite for moving you toward a normal life.
Accepting reality
Acceptance is the fifth stage of grief. We will accept the reality of the loss, stop feeling the pain and stop running away. Of course, depression will occasionally appear during this stage, but denial, anger, and bargaining will no longer appear. Everyone's grief is different, and not all of us will be able to manage the five stages of grief. These stages are often not clearly delineated, and there is no clear time limit. Some may last a week, others up to several years.
Turn their ashes into urn necklaces
To walk through the grief of losing a loved one, you can get cremation jewelry such as a custom urn necklace, cremation urn ring, cremation keepsake urn, and cremation bracelet. Urn necklaces can help you hold a small amount of ashes in the mini urn of the jewelry. Carry your customized personalized urn necklace around, you will feel your loved one is always your companion. FanerySue is a cremation jewelry & memorial gift manufacturer which helps millions of families. Its slogan is "for love and memory".
If you are feeling sad and grieving but cannot cry, the following steps will help you:
- Lie in bed or sit in a chair in a very comfortable position, either hugging a soft pillow, or blanket; take five to six deep breaths;
- Breathe through your nose or mouth and imagine sending air deep into the bottom of your abdomen, try not to let your chest move upwards but let the air push your abdomen too slowly bulge, (it is normal for your heart to beat faster when you inhale);
- Hold for one second so that you can feel the pressure of the air inside you;
- Then exhale the air slowly through your mouth, as if you were blowing hot soup. As you exhale, adjust your body to maximize relaxation, slowing down at the end of your wonderfully long exhalation;
- As you breathe in, also try to notice the chair or bed leaning against your body. Feel yourself being weighted by gravity and feel yourself connected to the chair or bed;
- Feeling more relaxed as you move into your sixth breath;
David Eagleman, a postdoctoral fellow in neurology, once mentioned in his book "Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives" that people die three times in their lives. The first time is when your heart stops breathing and fades away and you are biologically declared dead; the second time is when people attend your funeral and you cease to exist in society; and the third time is when the last person in the world who remembers you forgets you. When you overcome your grief and move on from the death of a loved one to the new life, it does not mean you forget them. As long as you always remember your departed loved one in your heart, they will always be alive in this world.
